Dear Dodi,

The hymen is a very, very thin membrane at the opening of the vagina. Normally, the first time a woman has intercourse, the hymen tears, and the result may be a substantial amount of blood, a moderate amount of blood, a tiny drop of blood or no blood whatsoever. In other words, Dodi, it's an individual occurrence, no way to predict. 

A woman can also be a virgin, yet not have a hymen. That's because the membrane, can tear -- even in childhood -- from a number of things, including exercise, sports, horseback riding, gymnastics or using a tampon.

I realize you live in a completely different culture than I do, but you're certainly not the first young woman to write to me about your virginity. You can read "My Boyfriend Is Furious I'm Not A Virgin" and "Stacie's Boyfriend Insults Her Because She's Not A Virgin". 

Just remember that just because there's no trace of blood, that does not mean a woman is not a virgin. Can a woman restore her virginity? No, that's impossible.

Now about this future husband of yours. I know this is a huge deal in your culture, but understand there is no way to ever be sure a woman is or is not a virgin…..no way! 

I know of more than one woman in your culture who has come across as a virgin for her husband’s sake….so you have some choices here: Act like you are a virgin, regardless of whether you bleed or not. He can’t prove otherwise. Tell him the truth and see what happens or don’t get married. 

I’m curious what the female readers of this blog will think about this and what they would do if they were in your shoes. I wish you a lifetime of happiness, Dodi. Best of luck.

Dr. Archer