Dear Dr. Archer,
Everything started back in August of 2011. My boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch. He's a very hard working man, who is constantly busy doing something. I was having trouble dealing with not being able to see him on a regular basis, even though I live with him.
I confided in a friend of mine, and ended up kissing him. It was a complete mistake. It made me realize how truly in love I am with my boyfriend, and that I could accept him being the constant worker that he is. However, months later, I am STILL full of regret and guilt over what happened.
My boyfriend had been in a relationship prior to me that failed when she ended up sleeping with someone else. I feel so guilty and feel like I should tell him, but I know in my heart that he would leave because of what he went through in the past. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I do not want to lose him; he is my world, and I dream of marrying him one day.
It was only a stupid kiss, and it made me realizes what I really have right in front of me. Any advice, psychological or common sense, would be greatly appreciated.
H
Dear H,
You are not married and a kiss is but a kiss, it’s not sex, not emotional cheating and since nothing else came from it, not a disaster. And this brought you to the realization that your boyfriend is your true love, so rather than ruminate with guilt, view it as an affirmation.
Consider, H, that if you do marry your boyfriend, that's a lifetime commitment. If you honestly can say that your boyfriend is the one for you, and you won’t do this again, then take this as a learning experience.
In this case, it’s clearly no harm, no foul and without this you may have been still questioning your relationship. Nothing good will come from you telling him. You may think it will make you feel better but it won’t.
Dr. Archer
