Dear Dr. Archer,
I was in a mentally abusive relationship for six years on and off again all the time. We finally split up when he said he didn't want to be with anyone ever. He then went on to sleep with many women.
We had been apart for a year when I started going out with a mutual friend of ours. We had a night out and we all met up together. When we got home, my boyfriend changed, and started smashing the house up, saying I had made arrangements to see my ex when I said I had hated him. He threw my clothes into the street and still blames me, saying if I had never spoken to my ex this would have never happened.
I ended it and I think I've done the right thing. Do you think this would have become the norm or worse for my future if I had remained? Thanks.
Deb
Dear Deb,
Congrats! You absolutely, positively did the right thing. This guy has a temper, and if he was this upset with all of you going out together, then it would have continued and would have gotten much worse as time went on.
There is certain behavior in a significant other that should have a zero tolerance and trigger a mandatory break-up. Throwing clothes out the door and smashing the house up over a simple conversation would qualify. Don’t give this a second thought, you did good, now move on.
Deb, if you can remember "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior," you will never go wrong. Dating and relationships should be fun, not stressful or abusive. What you experienced was not fun by any means. He is a dangerous red flag and he may have thrown your clothes to the curb, but you kicked him to the curb where he belongs.
Always trust your instincts, Deb. They serve you well. All you have to do is listen. Best of luck, and continue to keep your eyes and ears open.
Dr. Archer
