Dear Dr. Archer,
I've found out my husband has been cheating on me since we met and that he was pressured into marrying me by his mother. She used his father's serious illness as a way to blackmail him and even stopped speaking to him until he agreed to go through with the wedding.
He cheats on me with his previous girlfriend, who is the love of his life, and he also confides in her about how miserable he is with me. He keeps asking permission from his mother to divorce me, because he still loves his ex.
We argue so much, and I have to complain to him that he's not affectionate with me just so I can get any attention from him. Plus, he works long hours. He feels trapped with me, but I keep begging him to stay, and want to keep working it out, despite our problems.
Do you think this kind of marriage can last and can I make him love me the way he loves his ex?
Ana
Dear Ana,
No, no, no I do not see this marriage lasting! One day his mother will not be around and then he will have to make up his own mind. He will be out the door and headed straight into his true love's arms.
Why do you want to hang onto someone that doesn’t love you? If you want to do the right thing here, then YOU should instigate the divorce and give him what he needs, in order to find the right person for you.
You deserve much, much more than what you're getting. Don’t you want a husband who comes home because he wants to be with you? C'mon, Ana. You don't have a husband; you have a man living with you because for one reason or another he feels forced to live his life the way his mother sees fit.
What keeps you in this arrangement? Is it because you're afraid to be
"Single?" What you have is not a marriage; you don't even have a commitment.
My suggestion is that you cut your losses and file for divorce. It's what he wants and you deserve a husband who loves you, respects you, and wants to be married to YOU. You deserve nothing less. All the best.
Dr. Archer
