Dear Dr. Archer,
I am just leaving a long term relationship, three years and seven months, to be exact. She told me a relationship was too much for her, and she wanted to be alone. BUT, as soon as we broke up, it's like she instantly moved on. I cried and begged her to come back to me, but it didn't work.
Then she went to another guy right away, telling him she wanted to explore a relationship. I'm depressed because I miss her so much, but it seems as if she doesn't care about me.
I haven't eaten anything in days because I have no appetite and I can’t sleep. This is a real psychological problem for me; could you tell me what I should do?
Adarius
Dear Adarius,
I realize losing your girlfriend feels like a death in the family; that's absolutely understandable. You remember the good times, the closeness and you hate being alone. I understand, but this is something that you're going to have to pull yourself out of.
Here’s how: You have to ask why you would want her back? She lied to you; she said she didn't want a relationship and yet she's already involved with someone else. Maybe it was planned, maybe it was a coincidence, but the one thing that is clear is that she is NOT into you. Is that what you want?
Please remember, Adarius, that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Remember this in case she returns after a while, which she just might. If she did this to you once, she will most likely do it to you again if you let her back into your life.
I want you to see the bright side, and yes, there is a bright side to this. She did this before you got married, which makes it much less complicated and costly. You still have your family and friends to lean on, you still have your job, your home, your life. You will survive, you will get over this and you will be better off and have learned a valuable lesson.
In the meantime, keep in close contact with family members and good, fun friends. Do things you enjoy with people you enjoy. Meanwhile, force yourself to eat whether you have an appetite or not. Try liquids, like milk shakes and such until your appetite returns—and it will.
Find lessons you have learned with this experience, and do good things for others. Give yourself some alone time, and in the end, Adarius, time will heal you. I wish you the best.
Dr. Archer
