Dear Tina,

Congrats for having the strength to leave this abusive jerk. You are a survivor- bravo! I can very well appreciate your concern about visitation, because in most cases, fathers are very beneficial to their children's well-being. However, in this case—I agree with you, just say NO!

Tina, I have no doubt that your children love you beyond measure, and I'm certain you return that love tenfold. That said, sit them down and explain that you love them beyond words, and that you want nothing but the best for them. Tell them that they are your most prized possessions, the most important things in your life, and your love knows no bounds. 

Then tell them if they would like to see their dad, it will not hurt your feelings, it will not make you love them less, it will not change the way you feel about them in the least bit. It’s their decision.

Listen to how they respond. If they know they can tell you anything, they will speak up about this and tell you the truth. If they don't want to see him, tell them you will respect their wishes. But let them know that if ever the day comes that they do want to contact him, all they have to do is tell you, and you will make it happen.

You can read "I Feel Like I'm A Screwup" and "Trisha's Kids Suffer Because Of Her Husband".  As important as fathers can be, sometimes it's better if they're just out of the picture, letting the children live in peace. Your case sounds like a prime example of this.

As far as your daughters hating and being scared of their father, he served up that fear himself by his own actions. Make sure they have good male role models in their lives -- grandfathers, uncles, close friends -- men you trust. Wishing you all the best.

Dr. Archer