Dear Dr. Archer,
I am a 30 year old male, and had a fiancée and two children. I live in the Philippines as a medical transcriptionist, and my fiancée is a member of the office staff.
Though we are both working, we do not earn enough to make ends meet. We do not have our own house, but rather rent. Because of this, my fiancée decided to go abroad to Malaysia, where she is now.
I know that even if she tells me that she is okay, she is having hard time working there. My eldest daughter is with my parents and my youngest is with her parents.
Though I try to be strong, it kills my heart. I am full of sorrow and I'm living with no purpose, no reason, as my fiancée, the two children and myself are all in different places.
How is that supposed to make me feel? It's hard and painful, isn't it? I was crying most of the time, deep inside as to not show others how I was feeling.
Another problem of is that people are teasing and hating me for not making friends with others, but I really want to be isolated. I feel angry because they are judging me, yet they do not know what I've been going through.
I do not know what my life means now. I want to do something, but I feel helpless. No one listens, and though some others give advice, no real support comes from them.
Even my parents don't listen to me. They do not accept me and don't want me to live with them. I want to save my fiancée and children and be together, but I am so helpless, hopeless and financially and personally unstable. What can I do? Can you help? No one ever cares; nobody listens to me, and I am so alone.
I became a loner because I do not want people to see I am crying inside. I am so tired of listening to advice because it's not helping. What I need is moral and financial support to save my family, fiancée, and children.
Dr. Archer, please help me. I even wish to die because my life is meaningless, but I am scared because I do not want to leave my fiancée and children.
I am not suicidal, but I am one of the most unfortunate people in this world. I do not know what to do, and advice doesn't help me anymore. What can I do? Only God can help; I need a miracle.
Davis
Dear Davis,
The absolute first thing you need to stop doing is feeling sorry for yourself. Sorry, Davis, but your main problem is that you're so involved in being a psychological victim and saying, "Oh, woe is me!" that you're failing to focus on the big picture and a way out of this mess you've helped create.
You can read more of what I mean in
"The Power Of Hope". Read it - now! It will change your attitude of "who will help me" to "how can I help myself." I did not get you to this point, Davis. You made choices within your life that brought you to where you are now.
I agree that it is most unfortunate that the four of you are not together, but the choice was made for your fiancée to leave to find work, while the children went to different homes - again for a purpose. I don't know why a second or even third job wasn't taken to help make ends meet, but you made the choice, and now must live with it.
Next, start allowing people into your life. You act like you are the only person in the world with problems. Maybe some of those suggestions you don't want to hear are viable solutions.
I don't know why you chose to bring two children into this world when you can’t provide for them, but it's not too late to do something about it. Take another job; many have two jobs, and some have three. There's nothing wrong with that; it's taking responsibility. Do it.
As I told Vivian in her letter,
"No One Cares That I'm Dying Of Cancer", people do care, but sometimes we're feeling so sorry for ourselves that we don't let others in. It’s time you step back, take a deep breath, and allow people back into your life.
Talk to others about opportunities, discuss with your parents, change your attitude and stop complaining about what you don’t have and be thankful for what you do have. Look at your situation and work towards the goal of getting your family back together, whatever that takes. I sincerely wish you success.
Dr. Archer
